First Gig
by rachelberrys
Summary: Sam books his first modeling gig, but Blaine can't be excited because he knows it's not healthy. One-shot. TW: body image.


I own nothing, as always.

* * *

Sam was in the kitchen, walking back and forth between the dishwasher and the cupboards putting away bowls and glasses as it was his day to do the dishes. He, Blaine, Santana and Rachel alternated days to do the chores in the house, Rachel and Blaine always did the groceries and Santana and Sam always did the dishes, but besides that all the little house hold jobs were shared pretty evenly. The clicking and clacking of glass against wood shelves was keeping Sam's mind distracted as he waited for Blaine to get home, he had great news and he couldn't wait to share it with his best friend.

As he heard the door to the loft creek open he swung around to see Blaine walking in holding a few bags of groceries. Sam put down the plates he was currently in the middle of putting away, almost dropping him and jogged over to Blaine. "Hey!" He shouted before Blaine was even in the apartment. "Hey, What's going—Oh… okay." Blaine couldn't even get a greeting out before Sam was taking the tall and heavy paper bags out of Blaine's arms.

Sam was smiling one of the biggest smiles Blaine had ever seen. He raised his eyebrows at his blonde friend, "What?" He couldn't help but smile back.

Sam was truly beaming "Igotamodelinggig!" His words came out like a splashing hard and heavy onto the beach, loud but muffled.

"What…what?" Blaine could tell Sam was happy but he didn't really understand what he said.

"I got a modeling gig!" As soon as the Blaine understand what Sam said he flung himself forward and embraced his best friend in a hug, who was more than happy to hug back. Since moving out to New York, Blaine was at NYADA and everything was going well for him, he got a few bit parts in local plays, and for only being in New York for a few months he felt incredibly lucky. But Sam wasn't having as much as luck. He knew he wanted to be a model. It felt right to him, it felt like where he really wanted to be. But since their visit to New York during their senior year things were a bit tougher. He's always struggled with his appearance and with his body. He wasn't blind or delusional; he _knew_ he had great abs, great arms and a great face. He knew he was blessed, he just didn't truly believe in himself. If one hundred people told him he was in perfect shape he'd still listen to the one person who told him he was in _alright_ shape.

That one person was most often himself.

"Sam that is amazing!" Blaine was smiling almost as big as Sam now, pulling away from his hug and sitting down at the kitchen table. "I didn't even know you found another agency to book you, that's so great!"

Looking down and away from Blaine, Sam went back to his dishes. "Yeah… I mean, I'm excited." His enthusiasm had dipped a little bit.

"Of course you are! Have you told Rachel or Santana?"

"No… I just actually got the call like an hour ago, and you're the first one I wanted to tell."

A small blush coloured Blaine's face softly. "I'm very happy for you, Sam." A beat passed of Sam honestly just being so proud of his best friend, before asking more details. "What is it?"

Sam was putting away the pots and pans while he responded. "It's kind of lame…" He turned to Blaine with a slightly less optimistic look on his face.

"Whatever it is, it's a big deal. It's your first big gig!"

"I'm modeling some underwear in a catalog." He leaned against the counter and placed his hands on the flat surface beside his hips. "I mean, you can't even see my face."

"Sam, oh my god. That's amazing! Who cares about not showing your face, you're getting your name out there! And not to be too, you know, gay, but if I saw you modeling some underwear I'd probably buy them."

Sam rolled his eyes at Blaine who was smiling. "Thanks, Blaine."

"Seriously though, when do you shoot it?"

"Well, they're shooting a lot of it this week and then I'm going in at like the end of the next week. We're aiming for Thursday."

Blaine nodded, supportively. He was watching Sam's enthusiasm get lower by the minute. He was little confused. "Why so late?"

Sam turned around, grabbed for some more dishes to put away. "I just need to…lose a few pounds or whatever before the shoot."

Blaine's face went blank. "Sam…"

"Look, I know what you're gonna say. This is a big opportunity for me, even you think so. I'm not gonna pass up on it."

"After everything happened with Miss. Bitch-ette, I thought you were gonna find an agency that wouldn't force you to do anything crazy like that."

Still avoiding eye contact with Blaine, he spoke, a slight hint of guilt in his voice. "That was the plan, but then when none of those agencies _wanted_ me, I went back to Miss. _Bitchette_." He made sure to pronounce her name the correct way, instead of implying she was a bitch. "And she's not telling me how to lose weight, just that I need to. She's not forcing me to do anything."

"Wait… when did this happen?"

"I don't know, dude, it all happened really fast. But this is good, this is my first real photoshoot!"

Sam waited for Blaine to congratulate him again, he still wasn't looking directly at him, he didn't want to deal with a Blaine Anderson stare down. Blaine was always there for Sam over the past few years when his body image problems started to creep up. He was always there to encourage him to be healthy and to promote self-love. Whenever Sam was dealing with his insecurities Blaine tried his best to make him feel okay.

The loft was silent. It remained silent for what seemed like a life time.

Blaine was fiddling with his fingers. "I don't… think you should do it, Sam."

He looked up to Blaine for the first time since mentioning the weight loss. "Are you kidding me?" He flicked a few strands of his shoulder length blonde hair out of his eyes. "Blaine, I've supported you with all your gigs and I even went to that 4 hour musical you had 3 lines in."

"Sam, I know, and I will support you with any modeling gig you get, because I know you really want this, but this isn't good. You're already so," Blaine took a second to think about what word he wanted to use, Sam was watching him, his face tense. "You don't need to lose weight, okay? It can't be healthy. That's all I'm trying to say."

Sam rolled his eyes and closed the dish washer door a little harder than he meant to. "You know, when you got your first play out here, I was really excited for you."

"Sam…" Blaine tried to get him to wait a minute and talk to him but it only took a few seconds before Sam had gone to his room and closed the door behind him. Blaine was left sitting alone in the apartment, not knowing what to do.

* * *

He was right. Sam's struggle with weight and appearance was a big deal, and not something to be taken lightly. He knew how badly Sam wanted this but he also knew that Sam needs to fit in, he always has, he wants to be accepted. Sam felt like he could be a part of something with this modeling gig, and he didn't care what it meant. He didn't care that what they were asking of him was unhealthy. Blaine felt like he needs to make Sam understand that. He didn't want to see his best friend get hurt.

Blaine knocked on Sam's door, waiting for a response. It had only been 5 minutes since their fight in the kitchen so he figured Sam wouldn't be sleeping. "Sam? Can I come in?" Blaine rested his shoulder and head against the door frame and waited for Sam to respond. He waited a little longer than he expected to before Sam mumbled something along the lines of "whatever" just loud enough for Blaine to hear.

When he opened the door Sam was on his bed, lying on his side, a little scrunched up. Blaine walked over to the opposite side of bed and got comfortable, sitting against the headboard. They sat together in silence for a few minutes, neither of moved much at all.

"Sam. I want to talk about this, okay?" Blaine broke the silence and when Sam didn't respond he continued. "I know you really want to do this, but I'm worried about you. Any weight you lose won't be healthy and I don't think this is worth it. You can find another agency, you shouldn't just give up." Blaine was watching Sam, only able to see the back side of him from where he was sitting. He didn't say anything but he was shaking his head a little as Blaine spoke.

"I wish you could see that you—"

"You don't get it!" Sam kind of erupted. "I need this, this is my chance to make it, my chance to be special. If I have to miss a few meals for it, then so be it."

Blaine's heart dropped. He knew Sam was always really strict with his diet, he always had been, but he didn't think he actually skipped meals. He spoke softer. "Sam, you are special. You're so special and anyone who is telling you that you need to starve yourself doesn't see how special you are. Find someone else who does."

Sam shook his head again, his hair shaggily flopping. "This is my chance." He mumbled into his sleeve.

Blaine was looking at Sam, looking at how long and skinny he looked when he was lying there. "Sam, have you ever talked to someone about why you feel like this? Why you always feel like you need to lose weight?"

"It's not rocket science, dude. I need to lose weight so I'm not so fat. I'm a model."

Blaine cringed at the word fat. He wishes Sam could see himself the way he saw him. Part of him thinks Sam is perfect, but another part of him saw perfect go a few months ago. Blaine's noticed Sam's weight loss a lot over the past 3 months, since Sam had been really struggling looking for modeling work.

"Have to talked to someone about why you think you're fat? Because you're not, Sam. You're very skinny." Sam shook his head but Blaine kept talking. "You have muscles and a strong build so most people think you're fine but when you're just lounging around the apartment in your boxers, Sam, it's clear you're not well. I see how skinny your legs are and how your stomach kind of caves in on itself when you're sitting. There are bones showing where there shouldn't be. Do you see any of this?"

He knew Blaine was right, but he also remembered what he was told in his first model meeting. The camera loves starvation. It's easy to gain weight, and he thought that if he wanted to he could, but right now that's not what he needed. He didn't have his name out there yet, people didn't know him, he couldn't waste this time, these were his prime years and he needed to do as much as he could. Whatever he had to.

But something in him broke. It took Blaine a second to realize what was happening.

Sam started shaking, not hard but just as a movement attached to his crying.

"Sam…" Blaine got off the bed and walked quickly around to the other side, kneeling down so they were face to face. Sam had tear stains on his cheeks. "Sam, what's wrong? You can talk to me."

"It's not fair."

"What?" Blaine reached out and set his hand on Sam's arm.

"I really want this and I know that I'm not healthy or whatever but this is really important to me. I can't fail at this."

"Sam, no one's saying you're gonna fail, you just need to find somewhere else to succeed."

Sam took a second before speaking, wetting his lips a little bit. "I'm so hungry," Sam's eyes were slammed shut but Blaine's were wide open, brown and full and watching Sam's every move. "I''m not letting myself eat because I know I really need to lose weight for this but it hurts, my stomach freaking hurts."

Blaine sighed, his heart breaking a little bit more every second. "You can't do this."

"I need to."

"You're letting this one job ruin your life. Is it really worth it? Sam, you're so much better than this. You have so much in you to give, and you don't need to do this. It's only gonna get worse. If you're hating it now in a few months when it's habit you're gonna hate it even more. You're gonna hate yourself and I can't let you do that." Blaine rubbed his arm slightly and then stood up. "I'm going out to the kitchen and I'm gonna make us some lunch. Can you please come out in a few minutes? Whenever you're ready."

Sam didn't say anything, but he also didn't say no. Blaine took this as a yes. He knew Sam didn't want to admit defeat but he also knew Sam was smart, he wasn't going to let this control him. Blaine grabbed the bread and cheese and headed to the stove. He made both him and Sam a grilled cheese and set the table with some orange juice and some fruit. Blaine was just about to go see Sam and let him know that he made lunch when he saw him walking out of his room.

"I made us some grilled cheese, and there's also fruit in case the sandwich is too much for your stomach right now."

Sam held up his cell phone. "I called the agency and I told them I can't do the shoot."

Blaine looked instantly relieved. "Sam, come here…" He walked over to Sam and pulled him in for a hug. He rubbed up and down Sam's back where he could just faintly feel his spine sticking out enough to make him wince and shut his eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, Sam. This is a good thing, okay?"

Sam nodded. He wasn't sure if Blaine was right but he really was hungry. His stomach was tying knots and making noises he has never heard before. He wasn't the brightest person alive but he knew that if your body is making you feel like that, it's obviously not being treated right.

"I have friends at NYADA who have some connections; I'll ask around and see if anyone knows of any good agencies."

Sam nodded and they walked over to the table. The grilled cheese looked good but Sam grabbed for the grapes in the middle of the table. "Thanks, Blaine."

Blaine didn't have to say anything, he just nodded and smiled.

* * *

_Kind of cheesy, but I was bored one night._

_ I really do wish Sam's body image was brought up more on glee. I know we've gotten a few episodes on it but even then it doesn't seem to really be addressed much._

_There are so many different ways you can approach Sam's body image and this is just one way. _

_Thanks for reading!_

_xoxo_


End file.
